Here's a little secret: I'm not perfect! Part I

Hmm, interesting topic I know! Well, I think I might let you in on what I am doing at the moment in my spare time (yes, I know I said I was doing my post on Paris - I will do that, but it takes time to find pics, load them etc, so I'll do that after work). I've read this book, "Wanting to Be Her: Body Image Secrets Victoria Won't Tell You" by Michelle Graham. I picked it up when I was back in Perth in January. I'm not going to be doing this to receive pity or sympathy or compliments - please don't give any of that. I also realise I am opening myself up to criticism from others by exposing my weaknesses, but I am fine with that. I can only be who I am now.. and I cannot hide that. I am really excited to be changing this area of my life, bringing it into line with what God says about me. His opinion should be the only one that matters to me and I want to share with you this part of my journey.

I found the transition from India to Australia quite hard in many ways, but in particular to do with body image. There's so much focus and expectation (or is that just in my mind) on it in our society that I felt really bombarded by it when I got home. Anyway, so I've gone through this book once and am now going through it the second time, doing the journal bits as well, and memorising the verses it has for each chapter (hehe, Luke tests me - he's a tough critic! I've got the whole thing wrong if I say one little word wrong!). It is brilliant. It's opened my eyes to a whole new world: that I can live beyond what I tell myself over and over in my head. I was not born to look in the mirror and loathe what I see. God has not only made everyone else in His own image, but that includes me! This has been such a trap that I have been living in that I am keen to share what I learn with you.. in the hopes that it will help someone else to break free of this area that is really disgusting in my life.

Here's some great bits from the chapter I've just read (titled, When Beauty Becomes a Beast): she talked about God's truth, how He created us, how He cherishes us, and now onto the LIE that tells us otherwise. Thinking instead of the opinions of others (it's in the media.. there are ALWAYS worst and best dressed lists.. and isn't it strange to think we could even delight in seeing some of the celebrities looking less than perfect! YUCKY thought Kellie) instead of our beloved God. Here's a quote from the book "Not only are our assumptions of others' opinions often false, but living in fear of them is a form of slavery that will never lose its grip.. But there is something I can know for sure. I can know that there is One who will never reject me. In Song of Songs he calls me his beloved. The fear of rejection places the opinions of other people higher than this One who cherishes me unconditionally. But we must choose whose opinion will really matter to us."

It goes on to talk about the quest for perfectionism, with your body image. I totally realise that's why I've been living in shame of who I am. I have been striving towards to a body image that is just not right. Striving towards an unattainable goal as I will never be satisfied as perfectionism will never be reached. Perhaps an eating disorder might help, but I am wise enough to not go down that path (again, tried that in Year 10). But still living in my mindset that I am just not matching up is wrong and wastes so much thought-time and energy. It's also SIN! Ugly, wugly SIN! And I am not meaning to make a joke of it as this is perhaps the biggest stronghold I've had to deal with and I am aware of how much it has trapped me. Michelle talks about the "only remedy is to experience unconditional love". The unconditional love of God that tells me I am accepted just as I am. I don't need to change the way I look to win mandkind's approval or God's.

Here's the scripture for this chapter as well as my favourite quote:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galations 1:10

"We suffer from believing what our culture tells us about our bodies. We are losing out to discontentment, fear and perfectionism. But this is not God's desire for us. He longs got us to know freedom from these things. We must find a way to let it sink in that God made not only humanity well, but my particular body too. The consequences otherwise are much too costly."

Interesting thought.